Klingon Software

Klingon Software

• Specifications are for the weak and timid!!
• This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code.
• You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
• Indentation?! I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
• What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software escapes, leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake!
• Klingon function calls do not have "parameters" - they have "arguments"- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
• Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
• I have challenged the entire Quality Assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest! They will not concern us again.
• A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code.
• By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
• You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
• Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
• Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
• You humans call this thing a 'cursor' and you move it with 'mouse'! Bah! A Klingon would not use such a device. We have a Karaghht-Gnot - which is best translated as "An Aiming Daggar of 16x16 pixels" and we move it using a Gshnarrrf which is a creature from the Klingon homeworld which posesses just one, (disproportionately large) testicle... which it rubs along the ground... uh, do we really need to talk about this?
• Behold the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
• Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi programmer.
• Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.