Go to this site to see it animated: Movie-Moron.com
29 July 2009
Star Trek Where's Wally?
This is something that I found on the Movie Moron website. It made me laugh out loud:
Go to this site to see it animated: Movie-Moron.com
Go to this site to see it animated: Movie-Moron.com
22 July 2009
Children's Bible in a Nutshell
A child was told to write a "book report" on the entire Bible. Through the eyes of a child . . . .
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
21 July 2009
The Geek and the Frog
A computer geek was in the local park one day with his laptop, busily tapping away when he heard a noise and looked up to see a frog.
The frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how intelligent and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your sex goddess for an entire week: ” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything that you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a whole year and do a n y t h i n g you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The man said: “Look, I’m a computer geek. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is sooo cool.”
From http://www.geeks.co.uk/2009/07/20/2513/
The frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how intelligent and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your sex goddess for an entire week: ” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything that you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a whole year and do a n y t h i n g you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The man said: “Look, I’m a computer geek. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is sooo cool.”
From http://www.geeks.co.uk/2009/07/20/2513/
09 July 2009
A Twitter Twibe
Many know about Twitter, the web 2.0 app designed for people to post short status messages (yeah, right, status messages?) about themselves for the world and their friends to read. But what about a "twibe"?
A twibe, or twitter tribe, is based on a website separate to Twitter called twibes.com. Essentially, a twibe is a group of twitter users. By ensuring their tweets contain a keyword, tweets by twibe members can be read by everyone in the twibe.
As an example, I have created a twibe http://twibes.com/JWs for twitter users who are Jehovah's Witnesses. By tweeting this URL, a tweeter joins the twibe. Thereafter, by including the letters JWs in a tweet, the tweet appears in the twibe tweet history, or timeline.
Once part of the twibe, a person can enter a tweet directly into the twibe timeline and have it appear only in that timeline, or have it ALSO included in their normal timeline, where it becomes visible to their normal followers as well.
So why use a twibe instead of just using normal Twitter hashtags? A hashtag is simply where a tweet includes a word or an abbreviation preceded by a # symbol, such as #JWs. Whilst it is possible to search Twitter by hashtags, a twibe offers a few more benefits.
A twibe, or twitter tribe, is based on a website separate to Twitter called twibes.com. Essentially, a twibe is a group of twitter users. By ensuring their tweets contain a keyword, tweets by twibe members can be read by everyone in the twibe.
As an example, I have created a twibe http://twibes.com/JWs for twitter users who are Jehovah's Witnesses. By tweeting this URL, a tweeter joins the twibe. Thereafter, by including the letters JWs in a tweet, the tweet appears in the twibe tweet history, or timeline.
Once part of the twibe, a person can enter a tweet directly into the twibe timeline and have it appear only in that timeline, or have it ALSO included in their normal timeline, where it becomes visible to their normal followers as well.
So why use a twibe instead of just using normal Twitter hashtags? A hashtag is simply where a tweet includes a word or an abbreviation preceded by a # symbol, such as #JWs. Whilst it is possible to search Twitter by hashtags, a twibe offers a few more benefits.
- Tweets shown in the twibe timeline are limited to those made by twibe members, whereas a search by hashtag will show tweets by anyone using the tag.
- Some use a hashtag inappropriately and so skew search results, maybe filling the search results page with rubbish. Twibe tweets are deliberately aimed at the twibe and are normally all relevant.
- A twibe founder can remove a twibe member's tweets from the twibe timeline if they turn out to be off-topic or otherwise unacceptable.
- It is possible to post a tweet onto the twibe timeline by tweeting from the twibe homepage and not have the tweet appear in your own Twitter timeline. This can be useful in sharing information to the twibe in a private way.
- You do not have to follow someone to see their tweets in the twibe timeline. You just have to join the twibe to see all twibe members' tweets.
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