Girlfriend 7.0 v Wife 1.0

An oldie but a goodie. Original source unknown. 

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User

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Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 ! and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

An old Russian joke

An old Jew is sitting on a bench in Gorky Park studying a "Teach Yourself Hebrew" book. A KGB officer sits by him and demands to know what he is doing.

"I am learning the language of Heaven", he replies.

"Huh", says the KGB officer, "you should be learning the language of the OTHER place!"

The old man replies, "Actually, my son, I can already speak Russian."

The Library Chicken joke

A chicken walked into a library, went up to a librarian and said "Book! Book!" So the librarian handed the chicken a book. It put it under a wing and walked out.

A few minutes later, it returned, dropped the book it had been given and said "Book! Book!" So the librarian gave it another one and it left, only to return soon seemingly to demand a different book.

This time, tbe librarian followed the chicken out of the library. It went round the corner to a pond, where it showed the book to a frog, which promptly said "Reddit! Reddit!"

The boy who missed a day at school joke

A liitle boy in class is asked by his teacher why he was absent from school the day before.

"Sorry, Miss, I had to stay at home because my Dad got burnt."

The teacher puts her hand over her mouth and says, "Oh dear, Johnny, how awful - not badly, I hope?"

And Johnny replies, "Well, Miss, they don't mess about at the crematorium!"